Uttering the phrase, "I feel a cold coming on so I think I'll have orange juice with my vodka" causes your friends to recommend you seek a twelve-step program.
Fruit juice with vodka does not make the vodka less likely to give you a hangover.
Claiming to be a straight man and then being spotted by your colleagues at a gay bar means you're gay... or at least that's what they're going to tell everyone you know.
When someone sends a picture of his penis via text message to someone else, that someone else will show his co-workers and those co-workers will meet said someone and call him "the penis" no matter how much that someone else tells them to stop.
Don't argue with Michael about any of the following -- the color of pre-cum, where Hart & Huntington is located and what makes people from Redwood, CA so damn conservative. Just pinch his cheeks and he will giggle and go back to being in a good mood.
Knowing Hot Chocolate will get you into Krave for free.
Hot Chocolate cannot get you into Girl Bar even though it's attached to Krave.
Some women will be offended if you compliment them on their "hot fuck-me boots" and then will go on to pretend they have never heard that term before.
There is nothing more depressing than waking up on Sunday afternoon and being immediately faced with the paper bracelet from the night before still attached to your wrist and the ink stamp from the night before that still on the back of your hand.
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