Lost: One Gaydar. If Found Please Return to Owner

Bonjour friends, it's been a while. There is not much new with me. I'm very excited that France beat Portugal (Zidane is HOT and not too old, thank you very much) but now I must cut my ties with my co-workers and root for Italy because my mom is Italian. Yes, she's Italian-American but I remember my Nonna fondly and she was off the boat from the boot so I gots to show some loyalty. Anyone coming out to watch the game on Sunday? I've been invited to several different bars but I think I have chosen to be on the Upper East Side because I have been assured that not everyone there will be rooting for the same team and I won't get beat up by Gaetane (who I love but who is staunchly pro-France) when I root for my Guinea brethren. Come with me, 'kay?

I can't believe its already July. I have been meandering through the city, completely oblivious to the passing days, weeks, months. I'm always tired. I guess its the heat. Katherine's advice was that I try sleeping with the window open so as to allow the circulation of oxygen. I now have a GIANT MOSQUITO BITE ON MY UPPER LIP. Thanks Kitty. It's not ACTUALLY her fault but I like to have someone to blame. I get bit by mosquitos more than most people I know. My mom used to tell me it was because I was so sweet. But EVERYONE knows I'm a raving bitch -- so much for that theory, Mommy.

I would like to make an earnest plea to all of my gay male friends to please hang out with me. I used to be quite the fag hag but in recent years I have started hanging out with more straight guys. Due to this drastic change in my environment -- and by relation, the vernacular I am exposed to, i.e. I have recently more often been quoted as using the vulgar, straight man "muthafucka" rather than the queeny "bitch" when referring to my friends/enemies/random strangers I meet on the street -- I have lost my GAYDAR. It is very sad. Very tragic. Keeping me up at nights. I need help. I need to get back to my roots. I come from a long line of fag haggy women with a deep respect for gay culture, gay-friendly politics and men who like Madonna. I cannot lose my gaydar. It's a matter of principle.