Tina and Tough Tom got married

My friends Tina and Tom got married yesterday. It was a very nice wedding -- she did the whole princess thing, with the sparkly strapless gown and the intricate up do. She looked beautiful -- she's just the type for that sort of thing so she pulled it off quite well. The best man gave one of the best toasts I have ever heard. It was a story about Tom going to Shea Stadium with his brothers and accidentally being left on the subway. When he realized he had gone one stop too far (he was six at the time, mind you) he got off, jumped down onto the tracks and started walking back. Could you die? Tom's pretty funny.

It was a really fun time because I saw people that I literally haven't seen in a year. My friends Jade and Mike moved to Florida last year and my friend Lisa and her boyfriend Jason are about to move down there, so it was a chance to have one last night of too-much-to-drink with them. There was also a chocolate fountain, which, I have to say, is one of the greatest inventions of modern times.

I think I offered use of my womb to several of my gay friends. Ricky said something about liking my coloring and maybe I could have a baby for him and Anthony? I like Ricky -- he's near the top of the list of "my gays" -- and I had had a few vodka cranberries at this point so I think I said yes. I don't think he was serious. They don't even have a place to live yet so hopefully by the time they think of having a baby again he'll forget about this little convo because I don't think the world needs another ME, do you? Then again, I'm not really using my womb at the moment and if they could get some USE out of it, who am I to stand in their way?
The Yankees have lost four games in a row and I am very sad. I was so happy not a week ago when Melky made "the catch" and now I don't know what to do with them. ("The catch" being when he reached his little 21 year old arm over the wall and ROBBED Manny "Obnoxious Asshole" Ramirez of a home run. The look on that fat fucker's face -- I will tell my children about it. I hate him. I hate him the way you hate someone who killed your dog, I swear. And yes, I know it's unhealthy.) I think the Yankees need a stern talking to and I am just the woman to do it. I mean really. Is it that you don't get PAID enough? No, that can't be it. So hustle people, hustle!

I don't have much else to report. Oh, yeah, I'm tired of seeing that picture of al-Zarqawi. Can't they just report on his death? Do we have to be inundated with photos of his bloated corpse head? Ick.