Folding under questioning

On my way to meet the tenant board for the interview from hell (more on that later) I was on the 7 train with a guy wearing a Barry Bonds jersey and another guy wearing a shirt that read "Ban Bonds". They argued the entire way from 42nd Street to, I would assume, Shea Stadium. (I got off the train in Sunnyside so I really wouldn't know). When they started debating whether or not Roger Maris legitimately broke the home run record in 1961 since he played in more games than Babe Ruth, I was tempted to chime in because, and please note this for future reference, Maris' record is completely legitimate and he was the recognized record holder up until Mark McGwire broke it in 1998, regardless of the fact that there are some "baseball purists" (read: "assholes") who beg to differ. But if I had made that point, I would probably still be on that train redfaced and yelling, and would have completely missed the interview I mentioned earlier.

About the tenant board interview... Let me just put it this way, if I were in the mafia, I would be the bagman (no violence for me, thanks) who cracked under police questioning and had to either be taken into witness protection or get whacked on Tony Soprano's boat. I spent the last sweaty hour sitting in a hot basement with four grown men, three of whom couldn't have been nicer and one of whom decided to read my very embarassing credit report line by line and then define the words "recycling" and "security" for me in some detail. Maybe he thought I rode to the interview on the little bus -- I was tempted to respond with something like, "So when you say I have to recycle all plastic, does that include condom wrappers? And what about 40-bottles? Because there are usually a lot of both of those things in my apartment. I like to be hospitable to all the strangers I buzz into the building."

He also said if that I could have a cat but if I get engaged they have to meet and approve of my fiancee. I asked if he wanted to meet my cat, too. I don't think he got that I was kidding because he just kept talking. I told my dad who said that if I get engaged he wants to meet the guy before Otto from the tenant board, which seems reasonable.