In over my very tired head (reprint from April 10, 2007)

I'm awake at 2:30 am (which my body thinks is 11:30 pm) because I flew in at 8:30 am (which my body thought was 5:30 am) after not having slept for two days (drinking with Julie at Mix followed by early morning visit from the movers followed by final brunch with Michael and two mimosas followed by one last goodbye to the cutest dog in Las Vegas followed by a few hours spent removing last minute dirt and crap from my apartment followed by driving everything

I thought would fit in my suitcases but didn't to the charity box followed by returning rental car followed by limping through the airport with 4 giant bags followed by 4 1/2 hour flight with my sad, tired head pressed against the window) and went straight to my mom's house to shower, change, go visit the new home for all of my belongings and then go to my new job for a short meeting to discuss the three days of meetings I will be attending in midtown for the rest of the week. Oh, and I bought a suit. That's right -- Louise, who would wear jeans to her own wedding, owns an actual suit.

I feel like I've been here 3 days. And I'm homesick if you can believe that. I had a little nervous breakdown in my mom's living room this morning when I couldn't find anything in my giant, overstuffed suitcase. I started to wonder what I was thinking giving up a nice apartment and my new friends in a clean (although sometimes boring) environment to live out of a suitcase and not have an apartment at all. Now I'm sleeping in the house I grew up in but in which I no longer have a bedroom and I don't even have most of my personal stuff with me. It's all happening so fast.

Part of my worry is that I feel like I stepped back in time. Some of the people at my new job are girls I used to work with at my first PR job which is great but disconcerting as well. Did I take a step backwards? Was I so anxious to leave my last job that I didn't think this through? I thought I hated Vegas a lot of the time but, of course, as I was getting ready to leave there for good all the stuff that was great about living there became apparent. My friends, for one thing -- I never expected to be so close to people I met six months ago. Also, for some reason right before I left Las Vegas, some of the things that were making my life there a little sad and stale seemed like they might be changing. Great timing, God.

I'm a little confused and out of sorts. I know the longer I am here the easier it will become to figure out what makes me happy. I have to learn to not let my environment make or break me.

Who knew where I lived would have such a profound effect on my moods? And who knew New York would take adjusting to? I'm from here, for Christ's sake?

Anyway, now I can't sleep. I have to be up at 6:45 am (which my body thinks is 3:45 am) so I should get some rest.

Wish me luck, ok guys? I might be in over my head... again.