The definition of insanity (reprint from June 16, 2007)

I've been thinking a lot about the definition of insanity. I'm not sure if it's the real definition but it's the one everyone always tells you -- "insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results." I feel that way lately.

I've been moving a lot. Not just moving moving -- as in my recent move across the country and subsequent move back -- but moving as in not sitting still. I'm going all the time. On a plane or a subway or in an airport -- sometimes these are the only moments when I have the chance to sit still. This has never been a healthy way for me to live. But, back to the insanity defense, I keep going and going and never stopping to look around, and then expecting things to turn out differently.

I take on whatever comes at me and think about the consequences later. I don't worry about how the next big change or chance I'm taking will make me feel until the it's already underway. Then I feel like crap. Like right now, I'm looking around my new apartment and wishing for something else, wondering why I made all these changes in the past year when change doesn't agree with me. Because I'm never sure what I'm going to do next, I'm often treading water in my life. I don't have a clear idea of what my future holds -- I mean, who does? -- but more importantly I have no idea what I want my future to hold.

Anyway, the gist of this stupid blog entry is I'm sort of floating right now. I don't feel anything going on my life like it's really happening to me. It's like being hungover -- there's really no cure for it, I just have to wait it out until I feel better. And when I feel better it won't be because of anything I've done -- it will just happen and I'll be ok.

I wish I had a funny one for you today, guys. I really do. I'm headed out to the Beer Garden this afternoon -- maybe I'll feel better after that.