Brave new penis

There is chocolate in my office. I forgot it was here. I'm so happy.

My birthday is really far away but will someone please remember and get this cake for me? I usually ask for cupcakes (because they are the world's most perfect dessert -- cute and sweet just like me... you know, if I was wrapped in a crinkled piece of paper and covered with icing, which, let's face it, sometimes I am.) But I will make an exception for this cake. Because I'm a big SLJ fan. Even though I get a lot of pleasure out of watching Joe Pesci shoot him in the back of the head in GoodFellas. That's not because I don't like him. It's just 'cuz I'm sick.

(NOTE TO READERS: In college, Jessica and I were often known to do a shot and then start yelling "And you will know my name is the LORD when I lay my VENGANCE upon thee." You wanna know funny? Two white girls drunk in a bar in Hempstead trying to sound like Sam Jackson is FUNNY.)

Did you guys see this story about this advice to uncircumcized men? Most Americans are circumsized anyway. French men -- not so much. It's kind of weird actually. I mean I'm kind of an equal opportunity fan of the wee-wee but it looks like it's wearing a little turtleneck if it hasn't been snipped. It would kind of make me happy if all the un-circumsized had to get cut to slow the spread of AIDS as per this article. Might make up in some small part for them never having to go through childbirth or menstrual cramps.

(NOTE TO READERS: Sometimes I read things right after I write them and I'm shocked at myself. Mandatory circumcision? What?!? Maybe in a past life I was a character in an Aldous Huxley book.)

I don't have much in the way of exciting plans tonight. I'm kind of tired. I stayed up watching Cold Case Files on A&E and scaring myself to pieces. How can anyone get married when there is always the possibility that said spouse could kill you and make it look like a foiled burglary attempt? Shit like that keeps me up at night.