Things that don't scare me

I am scared to death. So today's blog is dedicated to things that don't scare me that are supposed to.

1) Bugs. Much smaller than me. Can be killed easily with a piece of tissue. Can be squished which, in itself, is the least scary word (say it with me "squiisshhhhhhh") in the English vernacular. Can be flushed down toilet never to be seen or heard from again. Consensus -- NOT SCARY.

2) Mice. Also much smaller than me. Cannot easily be squished because they have bones and stuff. But will most likely run away if confronted with bright lights and not smart enough NOT to eat a big piece of bread stuck to a glue pad. Consensus -- creepy and I don't want them around but NOT SCARY.

3) Dogs. People who are scared of dogs are weird. Who doesn't want to pet and hug and say cutie pie things to a doggie? I mean unless you've been attacked by a pit bull at some point in your life. Or you know someone who has. Okay, I amend my earlier statement. People who are scared of dogs who have not been attacked by a dog or know someone who has been attacked by a dog are weird. Consensus -- dogs are cute and loveable and decidely NOT SCARY.

4) Ghosts. Ghosts are freakin' awesome. Have you ever seen Ghost Hunters? I love that show! I don't really want to SEE a ghost but knowing they exist? That's pretty rockin'. Consensus -- NOT SCARY and if you are privy to a haunting you could write a book, that might get turned into a movie that might make you rich so it could be NOT SCARY and possibly profitable.

5) Motorcycles. Because secretly I wish I lived in the movie Grease. Which stars Olivia Newton-John. Who is probably the least scary actress EVER. Consensus -- NOT SCARY and you can ride along singing "Cool Rider", which is actually from Grease 2, but whatever.

I feel a little bit better now, don't you, muffins?