Disdain

I can't do this anymore. And I won't. You make me feel bad about myself and you don't care. You hear only half the words I say and the ones you hear are bastardized versions of what I've actually said. I'm tired of feeling like a bad person. I'm a good person. I don't deserve to be treated this way. I don't expect or want anything from you. I don't have ulterior motives or do anything in order to gain something from the people in my life. The fact that you think that's the kind of person I am proves you don't know shit about me. And I don't care. Spend the rest of your goddamn life not knowing shit about me. You don't deserve more than that.

I've listened to you -- I know all about your family, your problems, your past, who hurt you and how they did it. You don't even know my last name. And I kept telling myself that was ok, I don't reveal more than that to you, how could you know? But I realize now that you don't want to know more than that. You never did. You just wanted what you wanted from me when you wanted it, when it was convenient for you, when the mood struck you. I served no purpose other than immediate gratification.

And I have to make peace with the fact that you will never really know what happened tonight. You'll just think I'm showing "disdain" for you, or whatever it is you think I feel for you when you're feeling sorry for yourself. You won't see that you pushed me away. In your mind, this will be the night that I started a fight with you -- that's how it will live in your memory. That's fine. Just do me a favor and get rid of any other memories with me in them, too.