I have come to the recent conclusion that I am someone's back up plan. You have no idea how much that pisses me off. There is this guy (yes, yes, I said I was becoming a lesbian this year but everyone knows I have no follow-through so back off!) and I think he is pretty cute. He is mostly all over me. Unless this other girl is around. Then I am invisible. At which point I do the dignified thing and I back off, talk to other guys, my friends, whatever. And then he is all over me again, seemingly mystified that I don't think he is sincerely interested in me. I am the back up plan. What a cocksucker, huh? Yeah, yeah, those are the ones I like. The ones that treat me like shit. Do you see why I am tempted to just throw in the towel and become a muff diver? I can't be trusted to find a good man and most of the time I don't want one anyway.
I had a long talk with someone last night that I didn't think I would ever talk to again a couple of years ago. St. Patrick's Day is a time for togetherness apparently. Togetherness and beer on your coat and someone spilling vodka in your hair and talking about how things went wrong last year and the year before. Anyway, it was interesting.
In my alcoholic stupor, I had a dream that I got back together with my ex-boyfriend only to break up with him again. It was a weird dream. In it I sort of half-assed agreed to be his girlfriend again only to realize that if I had to have sex with him ever again I would vomit. But I still liked him in the dream. I told him that. I told him that I wanted to be friends and he said what I would have said. "But we were never friends to begin with." Asking my ex-boyfriend to be my friend is completely out of character for me. As I always say, once we break up you are no longer a character in my Truman Show, so disappear. Not a very healthy way to live your life but it works for me. So how weird to talk to him in a dream and ask him to be my friend? Perhaps I am becoming a better, more evolved adult who can be friends with their exes. Or perhaps it was all the beer I drank.
I had my evaluation with my boss yesterday. Yes, someone with the last name O'BRIEN had to have an evaluation with her boss and her director IN FRENCH on ST. PATRICK'S DAY. You will all be thrilled to know that I did it while wearing a plastic "Happy Saint Patrick's Day" hat. My boss said such nice things about me. Considering that I am a raving bitch (and was just that morning, to her!) it was kind of a shaming experience. But maybe I will get a raise. They asked me what I wanted from my position, did I want to take classes that would enhance my skills, etc., etc. I asked them if they would pay for anger management. I'll let you know what happens.
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